One survey found that couples argue up to 7 times per day.
Now, the relationship you have your significant other is usually the most important relationship in your life.
But we all have other relationships in our life with friends, family members, colleagues, employees, vendors, clients and more.
Being in any type of relationship can lead to issues. It’s just part of life.
But is arguing necessary?
Does it accomplish anything?
And why do arguments happen?
The Source Of Arguments
For couples, the source of arguments comes from a large list. Right at the top of the list is money, which seems to be an issue for arguments in many relationships even with family, friends and in business.
The basic source of arguments seems to be that one party feels that the other party has done something not up to expectations. Those expectations may be wrong or right, but whatever they are that’s usually where the issue arises.
With spouses, it might be that one spouse isn’t meeting earning expectations or that one spouse is exceeding spending expectations.
In business it’s usually the same type of issue. One party wasn’t able to deliver on the expectations of the other.
Another source could be deception. One party could do something the other doesn’t approve of and it could cause more issues for one party or for both parties and even outside parties.
They key, if you find yourself wasting too much energy on arguing, is to find the source of the argument. Go beyond the surface and figure out why one party is having an issue.
It’s always communication.
With expectations it’s often an issue of communication. The parties don’t share the same expectations. They create their own in their mind and the other party may or may not be capable of performing to those expectations.
It could be argued (sorry) that arguments do solve things, but I think it’s the understanding of the situation and the subsequent communication that leads to resolution.
Instead of arguing about who was wrong and who should be doing what the resolution often comes from letting each other know what the issue with on both sides and from there seeing if there is a way to resolve the issue.
Asking, “What can I do?”
In so many arguments we are sure the solution is for the other person to do something. If only they did this one thing the situation would be resolved.
That’s the wrong way to approach things.
You can’t control the actions of others. Many of us try, but it will eventually lead to issues.
You can’t control others.
You can only control yourself and that’s important when it comes to arguments.
Often it’s up to you to assess the situation and ask what you can do to move past the issue. You can express your feelings to the other person and perhaps ask them to handle something to reach a resolution, but you can’t control whether they will do it.
You can control what your actions will be.
Let’s say an employee is not meeting your expectations. You can control the situation by telling them what you would like and giving them the resources and training that seem reasonable to accomplish the task. But if that doesn’t work the likely action (again in your control) is to find someone that can accomplish the task.
Let’s say you have a family member that is negative all the time and one that likes to pick your pet peeves and get into arguments. You can ask the person to stop. That’s in your control, but you can’t control if they actually will.
You can remove yourself from situations where you’re interacting with that person. It may seem wrong to cut a person out of your life, but if they’re having a negative impact on your life you have no obligation to let them bring you down.
Arguing certain wastes time, but even more than that arguments waste energy. And we only have so much energy in our lives. There is no reason to spend it on arguing.
When you find yourself in a situation where you’re arguing with someone it’s best to assess the situation, communicate the issues of each party and ask yourself what you can do to find a resolution.
So many arguments are ongoing and what’s the point of that?
The successful people I know in my life are those that look for solutions. They make difficult decisions, but they don’t get bogged down in arguments. They might get into a few, but they don’t let arguing take over their lives. They put their emotion into understanding the situations and figuring out the best way to move forward.