Some of what you’ll read about goals and setting goals is that it helps to tell others about them.
One of the reasons for doing so is that by telling others they will add a level of accountability to the situation.
Now you’re holding yourself accountable for your goals and the people you tell hold you accountable.
That seems fine. And I’m sure it works for some people. But I think there are a few traps in that approach. I’m in favor of keeping your goals private.
Fleeting Feel-Good Feelings
One of the traps I’ve experienced myself and seen others experience is the feel-good yet fleeting feeling you get when you tell others about your goals or plans.
I’ve seen it occur often in the business world. Many people experience frustration in the world. It seems normal for many to think that they could find a solution to the frustration and that often also results in business idea.
Just an idea. But it feels good. Suddenly you’re thinking about the possible good fortune that could come from a successful business and you’re way down that rabbit hole daydream. Then it goes away and you want to feel good again so you tell a friend or even a few friends and the good feelings come back.
You also see it in the wellness world. You know that working out regularly, even walking, is good for your body and mind. But it’s difficult to actually change your habits and routines so you might do it for a day. Then you tell others about it and you feel good. You feel like you accomplished something.
We repeat this process of telling others about our goals and ideas and plans because the act of telling others gives us a rush of good, yet temporary, feelings.
People Don’t Care
Another trap with telling others about what you’re goals are is that they really don’t care. Think about the last time someone told you about their goals…
First, it’s probably difficult to remember when that happened. Second, you probably offered some input, but you’re probably not really holding that person accountable. You’re not texting them to ask how they’re progressing in their goals or whatever.
Everybody is busy living their own lives. It’s good for humans to focus on themselves and their close friends and family. That’s how we survive and thrive. It’s enough work to focus on the small things in our own lives because if we focus on holding others accountable then we won’t have enough energy to focus on our own goals.
So it’s harsh to say that people don’t care, but really it’s a good thing. It’s good to realize this because they’re going to do what’s best for them and you can focus on what’s best for you.
Goals Are Long-Term
Yet another issue is the letdown effect. Say you tell someone about a goal of yours. Odds are nearly 100% that this is some kind of long-term goal. You don’t tell people that your goal for the day is to go to the grocery store. You tell them your goal is to start a business or lose 20 pounds.
Odds are pretty good that you’ll see this person again in a week or so. And being the nice person they are, they’ll remember your last conversation and they’ll ask you about your progress.
Well, for most goals you’re not going to have made much, if any, progress. So you’ll have to tell them that and you’ll feel bad and that alone might be enough to make you not even want to try achieving the goal anymore.
Final Thoughts
Keep your goals to yourself.
All of the things here help you understand yourself better. It feels good to have a business idea. But you don’t really know if you’re internally motivated to see it through unless you keep it to yourself and see if you come back to it again. And then again. And then again.
It’s difficult to know what each of us really cares about. The things we do when nobody is looking. The more you share your every idea and goal and plan with people the more fog you’re bringing into the situation. You won’t be able to figure out if it’s really something you want to do or not.
Keep your goals to yourself. Figure out what matters.
You’ll probably find that you’ll achieve more.