When I got my first job out of college the company had me take a personality test. I had never taken one before. I had been a little introspective over the years. I enjoyed spending time alone and that usually allowed me to consider many things in life including my own personality.
So the results weren’t entirely shocking or anything like that. But I did learn some nuances about myself that were very helpful.
One item I learned about myself had to do with relationships. Not just romantic relationships although those were included. But also friendships and soon after I would realize that it would include business relationships.
I learned that I tended to hold back from relationships. I like to take things relatively slow in the early goings and once I was comfortable and confident in the relationship I would kind of go all in. I would give everything I had to cultivate the relationship.
I didn’t have many buddies in childhood. I was relatively friendly with most, but I had two or three really good friends. I didn’t have a lot of serious girlfriends over the years, but when I met my now wife, I went all in. This kind of became true in business, but I realized that I also had to push myself to be more interactive in the earlier stages of a budding business relationship.
Here are a few things I learned along the way…
Genuine Curiosity
The number one thing I’ve learned when it comes to business relationships is to be curious. You have to show genuine curiosity about the other person and what they do. You’re obviously talking about work. You want to share some of what you do and what you offer, but you really want to ask questions that get the person talking about what they do.
Most people are really good at their work. They’ve been doing it for awhile. And we like talking about things we’re good at doing. We’re confident. We have history. These things all help us be comfortable talking about it.
Get A Little Personal
It’s definitely okay to get a little personal with business colleagues. Family is usually an okay topic. Hobbies are usually okay. If you can find some common ground with a colleague it can lead to some really great connections and relationships.
Pay attention to how the person responds to each question. You can generally tell if they want to talk about it or if they want to move on to the next subject. For example, you might ask about family and particularly about kids. That’s usually a safe subject, but if the person is short in their answers look to move on. Don’t pry for more information about topics they don’t want to discuss.
Just move on with simple questions until you strike the right note.
Don’t Get Too Detailed
Details are good when you’re talking about something in depth for business purposes. They’re also good if you have a long relationship with someone. Although even then the other person may not want all the details about every little thing.
Details can bore people. They can struggle to keep up and follow what you’re talking about. Be respectful of their time and attention. Give them time to share. Especially early on.
You might get excited that they asked about your kids. But don’t go into too many stories and too many details about your kids. Give the other person a little breathing room.
People often say that bad first dates involve the other person talking too much about themselves. This is often true in poor first business interactions. You have to look for appropriate give and take.
Nostalgia Works Really Well
Where did you grow up?
That’s a good question for a first interaction with someone. People typically like talking about their past. Simple questions like this can usually lead someone to talk about their favorite memories. They might include family or their childhood or their favorite hobbies.
In some ways we like to paint our pasts as very happy and enjoyable. We like to focus on those things that have meant the most to us. So it’s a good starting point.
Again, don’t pry if the person is short about one particular aspect of their past. Move on to the next item.
Adventures
People like to share stories about adventures they’ve been on or that they are excited about for the future. It could be travel or even a simple adventure they had close to where they live. Maybe they took their toddler to the park recently and they got along really well with another toddler.
Adventures make for great stories so try to ask questions that might lead someone to talk about an adventure.
Final Thoughts
Business relationships are important. Some will feel similar to bad first dates. The occasional one may turn into a best friend type of relationship. But mostly they are going to fall in between those extremes. These lead to good working relationships with many benefits.
That is something I’ve had to learn because I’ve typically spent time on the extremes. But because I’ve had to kind of push myself more to the middle for business I’ve learned the value in these relationships.
Hopefully these few insights can help you with your business relationships.