Storytelling has great reward.
You can probably think of a time when you were speaking with one or more people. And they asked about an experience you’ve had. Then you tell them the story and they’re hanging on your every word.
Those times are wonderful. For you and likely for those listening.
But it doesn’t happen, at least for most of us, that often. In fact, we often tell stories to friends, family and colleagues that leave the listeners looking for the exit.
Here is a little advice for how to read people’s reactions to your stories so you can improve.
1. Aim For Quantity
The #1 reason we improve at things, including storytelling, is by repetition. The more you do something the better you get. We all know it, but the rejection we get by repeatedly struggling at something is a reason we often quit before we get good.
It’s especially difficult in conversation and storytelling because you see the disappointment close up in the other person or persons. But that’s what you need to do. The more you tell stories to people the more you’ll be able to read the subtle hints they give you. You’ll learn what doesn’t work. You’ll learn what works.
You can get pretty good by investing about 20 hours into it. That’s not too bad.
2. Look At Their Eyes
Are they looking down? Do they start looking around for other conversations? Do they look at the TV hanging on the wall across the room? Do they grab their phone and look at it for a second before realizing it’s rude?
When people lose interest they look away.
Sure, there are times when someone is interested and looks away for a moment. Maybe to ponder what you’re saying or something like that. But most of the time it’s because they’re losing interest.
Pay attention to the person or persons’ eyes. Look them each in the eye as you tell the story. You’ll better connect with them, but you’ll also learn what’s working and what’s not working with your storytelling.
3. End Fast & Move On
Let’s say that you’re starting to notice eye movement away from you. Once is probably fine. No big deal. But by the second and surely by the third time it’s an indication to you that it’s time to wrap it up.
Give yourself the Academy Awards music and wrap up the story. Shut it down before things get worse. Don’t take it personal. Just file away the experience as a lesson learned. You can tell the story again to another person with a slightly different, and probably shortened, version.
It’s better to end before you feel a story should end and move on to the next step. The person will feel relieved. You could even ask them a question.
It might be a little awkward to end your story before it’s over. But it’s really awkward to try and badger an unwilling listener into hearing you out fully.
4. Aim For Conciseness
Most stories are better when they’re concise. I struggle with this. People I listen to often struggle with this. Humans often have a complexity bias. We feel that something is generally better the more complex it is. This includes the stories we tell.
The cruel thing is that we feel complex stories are better when we’re telling them. But when we’re listening to stories we feel that the simpler it is the better.
I tend to include too many details in stories. Details that the listener doesn’t need or want to hear. Details the listener may even have no understanding of.
If you find yourself saying, “You know what I mean…” while you’re telling stories then start cutting out the content. make it shorter and more to the point.
Try to tell one-liner stories. They’re usually more successful and you’ll learn more about what does and doesn’t work.
Final Thoughts
Storytelling is not easy. Many of us struggle with it. We often revert to not telling stories at all or continuing to badger listeners into hearing us out even when they don’t want to.
Take the initiative to become a better storyteller. It can improve your relationships with others. It can improve your ability to communicate in a number of ways.
It’s not easy, but with some practice and improvement you can become the most interesting person in the room.