Online interaction and conversation is not the same as in person.
The three-dimension interaction in the same location with someone brings an incredible amount of data. You can see the person. You can possibly smell the person. You can use all of your senses for what’s going on around you. I’ve actually found that if I’m outside with somebody and it’s windy that I may try even harder to focus on what they’re saying and what they’re trying to communicate.
I don’t know if we’ll ever be able to replicate the real thing in the online world and because of that it’s important to pay attention to online conversation skills and how you can improve them. This goes for all types – text, video and audio.
1. Read and Re-read
If you’re writing a comment or message to someone, take the time to read through it and then do a quick re-read if possible. And do that re-read after a minute or so. Obviously you don’t have to do this all the time with all messages, but it’s a good habit to get into with some percentage of messages and for important messages.
People actually seem to be getting pretty good at understanding what others are typing or recording and posting online. But a little quick re-read can help eliminate issues with context. This would be where you’re trying to say something in a certain way, but it comes across with the wrong tone that may require extra work anyway with follow up messages to clarify.
2. Keep Thoughts Brief
It depends on the topic you’re discussing, but with just about any online conversation and message you’re looking to keep things brief. I really struggled with this early in my professional career at my first job. It was about 2007-2010 and email was a main form of conversation. I was verbose with my emails. I would ask too many questions and provide too many thoughts.
The result was that points were lost in translation. I would get frustrated with the other folks. I would think, “Didn’t they read my email?”
The answer is, they didn’t because my messages were ridiculous. I shouldn’t have expected them to read it all.
Twitter was on to something with the character limit. Sure, sometimes people will like to read longform content, but in most situations online you’re looking to make things as brief as possible.
3. Ask Questions
Conversations can be one-sided in real life. They can be really one-sided in online conversation. I’ve found that a good way to build some rapport in online relationships is to ask questions. If you come across something interest on social media, for example, ask a question instead of leaving a comment.
If you’re not sure what the person exactly was trying to communicate, ask a question.
If you think you don’t agree with the comment, ask a question to try to get more information.
4. Avoid Snark
Sarcasm, mocking something somebody says… It doesn’t really lead to good things. Not in real life and not in the online world. That’s where the online world really parallels with real life. If you’re doing something snarky you’re going to push people away. That’s not going to lead to anything good.
My daughter is a toddler and she’s learning how to interact and play with other kids. I’m realizing that the things I’m telling her work the same for me in my life. It’s important to learn to play well with others so they want to play with you.
Or work with you.
5. Eject When All Is Lost
Sometimes you’re going to get into arguments online. Most of these probably won’t be resolvable. That’s the reality in the online world and in real life. Although in the online world it’s probably even more of a lost situation.
It’s going to feel painful, but the best thing to do is to eject and move on from the situation. It can feel like you’re “losing” or whatever, but moving on is a win even if you’ve invested time and energy into the situation.
Letting go of online arguing can be a HUGE relief.
Conclusion
Online conversation is tricky. But if you’re struggling with it I would try one or two of the things above for a little while. They are lessons I’ve had to learn since first entering the workforce in 2007. It was an interesting time. Email was fairly mature. Social media hadn’t really caught on yet. I had to learn on the fly what it took to communicate well with others online.