I’m pretty introverted. I’m not one to be bubbly in public. I don’t mind walking down the street and keeping to myself. Even with friends and family I’m often fine just being in the background. I like paying attention to what’s going on. I like observing.
But over the years I’ve learned that there is benefit in talking with people. Not overly so. But enough to get to know people better. And to get to know people that are total strangers.
When I think back on my professional life, some of the most engaging conversations were with complete strangers. Something seems to turn on in the brain when we learn new things. And when we’re meeting strangers, it’s all new.
So how can you make this happen more often? In our personal lives, yes, but also at work.
Here are a few thoughts.
1. We Wish Others Would Converse With Us
For most of my life I went into interactions with others thinking that they probably weren’t too interested in a conversation. Over time I’ve learned that others think that way too. But the weird thing is that we know it’s not true. We know that we get some excitement from new interactions.
Why would others feel differently?
They don’t. Most people want to interact. They want to have conversations. Obviously it’s all on a scale. Some don’t want to at all. Others maybe a little bit. Others maybe a lot a bit.
And you can certainly take it too far. I know I’e had a number of conversations that reached the point where it was time to get up and leave. It was time to end things. The person is talking too much or they made the situation uncomfortable.
But most often, others are looking for a little human interaction. They want you to make the first move.
2. We Feel Excitement After New Interactions
Think about the last time you talked to a stranger. Maybe you were in the break room and the new coworker walked in. They were kind of looking for a spoon or something and you stepped in to help. A few minutes then go by and you know their name, where they previously worked and things like that.
You probably walked away feeling pretty good. Almost like you had a little boost of energy about you. Your mind feels intrigued by new people and new information. It kind of goes into excitement mode as it takes in new things and engages and all that type of stuff.
You maybe even went back to your desk and did some great work later that day as you rode that high from the new interaction with a stranger in the office.
3. Low Risk, High Reward
I remember the first time I met my future wife. I had never been one to really put myself out there with the opposite sex. But something in me said that this was a low risk, high reward situation. The negative risk was that she wouldn’t be interested in a conversation. We wouldn’t really click. We move on with our lives. Maybe I feel a little rejection. No biggie. It wasn’t meant to be.
But then think about the high reward. You meet the person you’re going to spend the rest of your life with. That’s pretty incredible.
If we came across business opportunities or job opportunities like that we would be sending out every application we could. There is literally nothing to lose and everything to gain.
So the next time you’re wondering if you should say hello in the break room, consider the immense potential. For working together. For all kinds of things.
4. Start Small
New conversations don’t need to jump into the deep stuff right away. A hello goes a long way. A simple gesture goes a long way. Make the other person comfortable. Instead of pointing out something they’re doing wrong, say that you’re doing something wrong. Make them feel good or not alone.
I try to do this in the checkout line at stores. If the person is struggling with something I try to put them at ease with a simple, “No rush. I’m in no hurry.” That usually calms the person down and we usually even chat a little more.
Over time you kind of pick up on little conversation starters that work well.
5. Practice Makes Perfect
And that’s kind of the last thing. It’s about practice. I know I wasn’t good at starting conversations for a long time. If I’m even any good now. But there really are no rules. Except I would caution that if you start talking to someone and they start shutting down, just walk away from it. You can smile and exit. Just don’t force a situation.
But don’t let those few times get in the way of starting more conversations at work. You’ll likely experience more good than bad.
Conclusion
We know that we get benefit from meeting new people. It’s very low risk. And most people want us to take the first step. You actually stand out as a leader in an office if you’re the person introducing yourself to new people all the time. You make more connections. You probably get invited to work on more and better projects. There are all kind of benefits.