I’ll admit that I don’t have the most emotional intelligence. It’s been something I’ve had to work on over the years. I started realizing at some point that I neglect some of the most important relationships in my life. From early on with family and close friends. Some time after that I knew that for my personality it would require more effort than I was giving.
And by that I mean that I’m fairly introverted. I like being alone. I like solo hobbies. Even as a kid one of my favorite hobbies in the wintertime was to go on a lake around some various islands and just sit and watch nature. I’d do this for hours.
So it’s natural for me to be comfortable alone. But I realize that with the people in my life that I need to be more present. Otherwise I find that it becomes neglectful. Both in my personal life and in my work life.
Let’s focus on the work life. Here are some things I try to work on to make sure I’m doing what I can to avoid co-workers feeling neglected by me.
1. Share Intentions
People can misinterpret what you’re trying to do. We sometimes get into trouble with others when they’re doing something differently. We feel that because they’re going about something differently that they’re doing it incorrectly. Or that they’re doing it for different reasons.
The reality is that there are often a million correct ways to go through life and all its various aspects. A very critical aspect is the intention behind the action. When others know what your intention is they are more in tune with what you’re trying to do. It usually clears up questions they have about your motivation or what you expect of them and so on.
2. Share Stories
Perhaps one of the oldest and purest forms of human communication is storytelling. The small talk that often happens in the workplace is a form of storytelling. You share an experience at work. You share something that occurred at home or while you’re doing something for fun. You share something from the past.
Think of the people you most like being around…
Odds are they are very good storytellers. We like being around these people. Not just because they talk at us. In fact, it’s usually because they make us feel close to them. They often share the story, but also pay attention to us listening. They are usually good at asking questions and bringing us into conversations with them or with groups they’re part of.
3. Ask Questions
Set reminders to check in with co-workers. Especially the ones you’ve worked with closely in the past, but perhaps haven’t worked on something recently. But perhaps even more importantly, schedule time for the ones you are closest with.
The reason is to ask more questions. It can often become a situation where we go through so many motions at work and that we’re so busy that we don’t really get to know a person. Start small with things like how their day is going and things like that. Naturally build to a comfortable spot where the person feels like you care about them in multiple ways. Not just that they’re doing their job.
4. Share In Exciting News
Being with someone when something exciting happens is usually very memorable. It forms a bit of a bond. I had a friend several years back. More of an acquaintance. I’d see them occasionally. We golfed with another person, a shared friend, at one point and he made a hole in one. I was exciting.
I still see the person very occasionally. Maybe once every few years. We still mention that hole in one. We remember the details of it. It was a great experience in our lives and something that sticks out even though we’re not really that close in other ways.
You can create these situations at work. They create bonds that last a really long time.
5. Create A Team Atmosphere
Being on a team, a good team, means that you’re all working toward the same goal. The goal could be to win the championship of whatever league you’re in. It could be that you want to improve. It could be that you want to enjoy the process or enjoy the time you have together. Whatever the reason, it’s shared. And because it’s shared you all feel like the others have your back. That you’re going to encourage and help each other so that the team benefits.
Often it’s due to the fact that someone doesn’t feel part of the work team that they feel neglected. It’s the job of the leader to identify this and figure out a way to make the person feel part of the team.
Conclusion
It’s not really that uncommon for someone to feel neglected in the workplace. Even if they’re in the same location as everyone else things can kind of drift into a negative place. It’s the responsibility of the leader to go through each person on the team and identify if there are issues. And then figure out how to get things heading back in the right direction.