Judging seems to be engrained in us.
Thinking back to our ancestors, being able to quickly judge a situation had to be positive. Imagine a person several centuries ago sitting in a field. They see movement. Being able to quickly judge the movement as safe or harmful meant survival.
I can’t imagine living like that, but it was reality for much of human life. In fact, being able to judge if another person was harmful was part of survival.
But today, thankfully, we don’t live in times like that. Our survival is pretty secure. But we still have pretty much the same brains as our ancestors and we’re still pretty quick to judge situations.
It’s good for some situations, but negative for just as many and probably even more.
We even have conversations with close friends and family that are full of judgment. If you pay attention you can see the disappointment and rejection in the other person. Sometimes we don’t even realize that we’re doing it.
If you’re looking to cut back on judging others, here are some tips that can help…
1. Learning Mindset
This is the big one. It’s been getting more and more popular and for good reason.
It takes practice. At least in my experience. You have to change your judgmental ways and go into each situation with people with a learning mindset. The goal of trying to learn something from everybody.
It’s what successful people have done for a long time.
Much of the time today we go into situations with others trying to share our perceived wisdom with them. We like to think of ourselves as teachers.
It makes us feel good about ourselves. It makes us feel accomplished and prideful. But it’s really just ego.
Instead, think about what the other person knows that you don’t yet know.
The cool thing is that nearly 100% of the time the other person will know something you don’t. Everybody has different interests, experiences and more. You can always learn something even if it’s a small thing.
2. Assume You Only Know A Fraction
Let’s say that a person is doing something you don’t approve of. Maybe they’re acting out. Maybe they’re treating someone poorly. It might be perfectly normal to judge them as a bad person.
Or maybe they have bad habits. Or maybe they don’t seem as successful as you or maybe how much you feel they should be.
It could be any number of situations.
Instead of letting that judgment be the final word on the situation, start thinking that there is no way you know the full story about the person. Maybe they are accomplished in an area of life that you haven’t learned yet. Maybe they struggle with this one thing because of a terrible situation in their past.
When we look at others we often see a very small sliver of the full story. We recognize it when others judge us. We know that they don’t know our full story.
Why can’t we see others with the same view?
3. Compassion
Building on the last tip is going into situations with compassion. The focus for this one is knowing that human life is difficult. Maybe not in the same ways as our ancestors. We don’t struggle to survive attacks from lions and tigers today, but we struggle in many ways.
Life is a struggle. We recognize that in our own lives. We see death. We have pain, physical and emotional.
But we don’t often see it as quickly in others.
If you find yourself judging someone, take a moment to have compassion for their situation. Even if they’re being a jerk there could be a good reason for it. Or you could have compassion for their lack of enjoyment of the world.
4. What Do You Control
Control the controllable. It’s not easy. We know that it’s typically the best way to live, but we struggle to implement it.
I once heard someone say that if they were hit by a bus on the street they would look at the situation asking themselves what they did wrong. Most of us would blame the bus or the bus driver. But that won’t accomplish much.
Go into situations looking at what you control. You might recognize that you’re being negative in a lot of situations with others. You see that you’re judging. That’s why you’re reading this post. You control your approach to others.
And if someone is truly a negative person for your life, you can move on from them. You can forgive their behavior and move on. I guess that still involves judgment, but it removes the negativity in a way that you control.
5. Self-Compassion
Finally, look inward with your judgement. If you’re judging others the odds are very high that you’re also judging yourself. You’re hard on your choices. You’re angry that you haven’t reached a certain level of success. There could be all kinds of ways that you’re being negative to yourself.
When our behavior is negative and we recognize it, the best way to start fixing it is to start with ourselves. Not thinking about how others should change. That’s a losing battle. It comes from within. Always.
Conclusion
Judgement is something we struggle with. It’s engrained in our brains for survival, but in modern times we don’t need that mechanism as much. In fact, it can lead to more negative today than good.
So take the steps to look for the opportunity in the world. Those that behave this way usually find the happiness and success they seek.